Update.
I haven’t been blogging recently, just getting back on my feet. Laptop’s in the shop, got back to working and getting in a better mind state emotionally and physically. My life has endured punishment that would make a grown man subdue to alcohal and drug use. Although only going through a number of emotional letdowns doesn’t sound like much, it can really take a toll on any human being. I am a man of strong christian faith and I do beileve my faith is the only thing keeping me from making bad decisions out of depreession. Even though, sometimes I wake up in the morning and I don’t wanna be on this earth. Fortunately, I’m coping with every sort of depression straight up; no pills, no counselors, no anti-depressiants; just my family & true friends to talk to. Imagine waking up in the morning as you’re ready to start the day and opening the door from your bedroom…and it won’t open. You try to open the window to see the sunshine and all you see is darkness. No way out. That’s what real depression feels like. You wanna talk to the people you run to but they don’t exactly know how you truely feel unless you know some in the exact same scenerio as you are. It’s subtle and it hard to pin your emotions.
Pain is a game we all have to play in a time in our lives, but there will always be a reprieve; a light at the end of a tunnel. Then, you will have to begin life anew. Everything in my past I’ve burned away, the way I was treated in a relationship with a person that I was gonna spend most of my life with…untill you the person finally shows you they really are. All the letdowns, hurtful name-calling, personal displeasure, the scratches and fighting, could really break any other person in my opinion. And to find out I wasn’t the only one anymore, talking to other guys and throwing me to the side. It hurts. Being used, again, hurts. I did everything I could and it was taken for granted. It’s a sad thing to endure and tolerate and it takes a toll on the heart. I did everyhting I could and then some. All for nothing
Now, I’ve gotten up on my feet, wiped the blood off and patched the bruises up. The days of you kicking me while I was down in the place you left me in is over. I’m still here and that was the past. I’m overcome you and all the other negetives in my life and moved on. What goes around comes around and I’d be lying if I said I’d wish you the best. I’m in a better place and better off. I thank god everyday for giving me the strength to not stay down and get back up. I’m a better person now and believe it or not, I have you to thank.
Finally, it’s time to focus on me. I’m working hard to get my car fixed and I’m saving up so that’s good. I finished my first online class of the semester today and I’m spending quality time with friends and family. I’m glad my life is beginning this new chapter. Ready to take it on. #FaithFocusFinish
